The Night Before Nerves…

Over the past 3 years I have had so many injections I lost count. I have had them in my neck, my head, my spine, my tailbone, my hip and thigh, and both of my knees. Even though I am use to having it done I get nervous the night before and it really isn’t because of pain because most of the time I never even feel it. I have woken up a few times when he had that big needle inside my knee and I am not going to lie it really hurt.

Part of it I know is because he does put me in a twilight sleep (a heavy twilight sleep) and because it is hard to keep me in that deep pain free state so they give me a little more than most people. As I said I have woken up a time or two and that adds some stress. Then there are the anesthesiologists he has two of them they are a lady named Joan and a guy but I never remember his name. Joan is very good and has only had trouble with my horrible veins and usually I don’t get upset at anyone because I know my veins are horrible, however the guy has caused me so much pain twice that he made me cry both times and that I have a problem with. Even Joan his trainer says she has problems with him being to rough and not taking his time on people with difficult veins like mine. So not knowing which of them I am going to get certainly has something to do with my night before nerves.

Then this time my body is just being mean not only does my knee hurt like mad, but my legs have decided to turn into sponges they are retaining so much water my doctor sticks my knee with the needle he is liable to be squirted in the eye with water lol. They are so swollen it is actually hard to bend my ankles and the skin on my shins is pulled really tight and shiny. Hopefully it will go down enough he won’t notice if he does I am sure I will get a lecture about taking my diuretic every day, however when I am not swollen like the Good Year Blimp it makes me feel dried out. My eyes feel dry, my mouth feels dry, and even my skin feels really dry and that is why I don’t take it everyday. He would tell me I am sure to drink more and use lotion, buuuuut I don’t wanna lol!

Time to get some rest…

God Bless!


Health Insurance Companies are Still Heartless Jerks…

With the pain in my left knee flaring up again it told me and my doctor it was now time for another Synvisc round of injections and I would be good with that for another year. So he put in for the approval and they denied it! How heartless do these people have to be? It is the only thing that has ever worked at reducing my pain to nearly no pain at all and for a full year. It actually made me cry and that may seem silly to some over knee pain, but if it does I promise you have never felt knee pain like I do. It makes me want to cry every time I even think about getting up because I know the process of getting onto my feet is going to hurt so horribly bad.

I pride myself on not taking my pain and frustration out on others and I am certainly no whiner, however this insurance company is pushing me to my limits on nice. When someone that sits in an office all day long and has no medical background whatsoever, and has never met me or seen the amount of pain I deal with daily decides to deny me the very thing that could ease some of my pain a great deal it make me more than a little upset. People with no medical background should never be allowed to make those decisions ever!

There is a very real person behind the name on that paperwork, there is a person that is either very ill or suffering with pain, and no one should make those choices unless they are very clear what their denial is likely to cost this person in quality of life or even life and death. Instead that have pencil pushers flipping coins deciding things they know nothing about or the consequences to the person they just typed denied to on that paperwork! They can do this with a clear conscious because there are no consequences for them allowing people to needlessly suffer. No one should be able to play with anyone’s life like that. The worst part is for myself I don’t even wish for them to suffer the same as me I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

I do wonder though how they would feel every single night going to bed knowing that if God is gracious enough to give them another day that even though you are thankful for that day you know it will be filled with horrible pain. It makes smiling the next day even harder than the last. I made a promise to myself not allow myself to take my pain out on others and I live up to it but they don’t make it easy at all. I have in my life seen people that live with chronic pain turn into mean, demanding, bitter people that no one wants to be around and I don’t blame them for not wanting hear that day in and day out. So please pray God keeps me strong and that my doctor will be able with God’s help to change their minds. I am so desperate for some relief that next week I am going in to get a corticosteroid inject but it will last at the most a month.

Thank you all for reading my rants and praying for me! God Bless each of you!