Sometimes Things Take a Turn For The Worst…

So as of my last entry I was going back to see my pain management doctor on June 3rd…well that was the plan but sometimes even the best laid plans are thwarted.

About a week before I was to go back to the doctor excited to get my trigger point shots ( I know excited to get poked across the back with needles crazy right, but it is not so bad and the benefits are great.) Dwight (the love of my life.) started sneezing and I am freaking out a little because I get sick easily since I am diabetic but as a days pass and I haven’t caught anything I decide it is allergies and I began to relax and that was a big mistake that came close to costing me my life.

Late on the first of June he developed a deep cough then about midday on the second I started to cough, I really didn’t feel sick but the cough was getting deeper and my chest felt heavy really heavy so I had Dwight pick up some Mucinex for me and I took some and crawled into bed wanting nothing more than to sleep and for several hours I got just that, but when I woke up not only could I not breath except in shallow breaths anything deep caused several minutes body wracking coughs that ended in vomiting with me shivering from head to foot feverish with clouded mind I tried seek comfort moving from spot to spot for awhile but it wasn’t to be found.

Sometime in the wee hours of the morning I was totally exhausted and starting to slip away, however every time I would slump over our little girl kitty Lil Bit would pounce on me yelling at the top of her lungs and when that didn’t work she dug her claws into leg, back, or stomach until I would sit back up. She did this until Dwight came home at 4am as soon as he came in she ran to him trying to let him know I was in danger. So off to the ER I went and that is where the fight for my life started and it was a battle that was waged for hours in the ER before I could be taken to a room.

The diagnoses was pneumonia with my left being nearly full of fluid and phlegm (such a gross word lol) my right lung was about half full and I was suffocating. Once I was stable they had CT scan taken and my lymph nodes in my chest were three times their normal size which explained the 22000 white cell blood count and it was going up still so they took blood from an artery and cultured it and it was positive for blood poisoning ( Sepsis ). That was the last piece to the puzzle and what was killing me quickly.

Before leaving the ER I was given an injection of a massive amount of a steroid like Prednisone that helped with inflammation in my bronchial tube to help open me up to breath better. Then I got my first coctail of IV antibiotics. Once they moved me up to my room it was in intermediate care which for those just leaving ICU and I realized I had (with God’s healing hand) dodged the bullet it yet again.

I am home now but hooked to oxygen for I don’t know how long but I am alive and getting better daily.  I wrote this all out from my phone and I did it because I wanted plead with you all that if you become ill listen your body it will tell you when you are in danger. If had ignored what my body was telling me I would have been dead before from the blood poisoning it ravishes your internal organs pretty quickly and never knew you could even get blood poisoning from pnuemonia so take care of yourselves listen to your bodies.

God bless you all until next time God willing!

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Rain and Pain…

I have never understood the what the relation was between rain and pain well rain yes but it is even worse with thunderstorms. I am sitting here after an entire night of thunderstorms and to say I was in pain is an understatement. I won’t even try to list what hurts because I am starting to think even my nails and hair hurts!

I just checked the weather radar for my area and we are suppose to have severe thunderstorms starting at 3 AM until around 6:30 AM so it is going to be a very long night/morning for me. It is really strange how at times like these even my skin hurts it kind of feels like someone has rubbed my skin raw with coarse sandpaper. Even my shirt makes it hurt more. It is something to bring up to my doctor on the 3rd of June when I go for my monthly checkup.

I remember when I loved thunderstorms and found them soothing and now I look at them with apprehension because I know that I will start hurting really bad about an hour before the storm arrives so I am pretty certain it has to do with the drop in the barometric pressure and our cats go a little crazy as well. Hearing the distant rumble of thunder letting me know the next round is on it’s way.

Time to try and sleep and hope to stay asleep through this round. God bless you all!

The Perils of Pain and I Want to Cut Off my Left Knee…

Well maybe not cutting off my left knee, but there are times when that seems like a really good idea. It is starting to effect my whole right leg because when go to stand and when I walk I make it take most of my weight to keep my left knee from hurting so much. I have no meniscus (the cartilage that normally covers the ends of the bones to keep them from rubbing bone on bone.) and since that is gone the end of my thigh bone rubs against the end of my shin bone which is pretty painful. I now have bone spurs on the ends of each of the bones from rubbing like that for years. These spurs sometimes get caught on each other and lock my knee until I can wiggle my knee around with my hands until they let go and hope one doesn’t break off because that can cause even more damage. So this is why I sometimes dream about cutting off my left knee. It makes it hard for me to stand up and it really frustrates me when I have to have help getting up. Walking through the grocery store wears me out because I try very hard not to limp or show my pain and by the time we get home I am totally wiped out. It is horrible that walking through the grocery can wear me out so much. I am eligible to ride one of their scooters but I don’t and the reason is because I know there are people out there that need it more than I do and would not want to possibly keep them from having one.

Lower back pain is one of the worst pains in the world! I was born missing 5 of my discs between my vertebrae in my lower back and so all of my life I have had some amount of back pain because of this. It however in the past 4 years has gotten so much worse. My trigger point injections wore off and so it hurts to sit, stand, walk, and even lay down at times. I get terrible spasms that at times reduce me to tears and limits a lot of things I can do or the spasms will get pretty bad even though I take muscle relaxers 3 times a day. In order to get more trigger point injections my doctor has to submit what he wants to do and then we play the waiting game to see if they will give him the okay or deny it which can be up to 3 months sometimes longer if he has to appeal their decision. I really hate the fact that non medical people are making choices about my health and during the wait I suffer a lot. I do take pain medication but it doesn’t kill the pain it just dulls it. I take one for bone and muscle pain and one for nerve pain some of that is from diabetes and the other is nerve pain in my feet, hands, and both thighs. Nerve pain can be a tingly pain, sharp shooting pain, dull toothache like throbbing, and a burning pain that literally feels like part of my leg is on fire. I also get trigger point injections in my lower lumbar which helps with both pain and spasms, and then there are the deep corticosteroid injections to help with both inflammation and deep muscle pain. These help keep from having to take more pain medication that what I already do at this point.

Finally there is my neck 3 years ago when I first started seeing my pain management doctor he had x-rays of my neck taken and he said I had the neck of a 90 year old. The arthritis is that bad and so I have Occipital Neuralgia it causes pain on the right side of my head and it feels just like a migraine and I had one of those headaches for 3 months waiting on my insurance to approve the injections I needed to stop the headache.

So right now I am playing the waiting game again for the approval of all the injections I need. Thank you for reading and comments are welcome. Be respectful, no foul language, or attacking me or any other commenters on this blog. Gods blessings and love!

The Night Before Nerves…

Over the past 3 years I have had so many injections I lost count. I have had them in my neck, my head, my spine, my tailbone, my hip and thigh, and both of my knees. Even though I am use to having it done I get nervous the night before and it really isn’t because of pain because most of the time I never even feel it. I have woken up a few times when he had that big needle inside my knee and I am not going to lie it really hurt.

Part of it I know is because he does put me in a twilight sleep (a heavy twilight sleep) and because it is hard to keep me in that deep pain free state so they give me a little more than most people. As I said I have woken up a time or two and that adds some stress. Then there are the anesthesiologists he has two of them they are a lady named Joan and a guy but I never remember his name. Joan is very good and has only had trouble with my horrible veins and usually I don’t get upset at anyone because I know my veins are horrible, however the guy has caused me so much pain twice that he made me cry both times and that I have a problem with. Even Joan his trainer says she has problems with him being to rough and not taking his time on people with difficult veins like mine. So not knowing which of them I am going to get certainly has something to do with my night before nerves.

Then this time my body is just being mean not only does my knee hurt like mad, but my legs have decided to turn into sponges they are retaining so much water my doctor sticks my knee with the needle he is liable to be squirted in the eye with water lol. They are so swollen it is actually hard to bend my ankles and the skin on my shins is pulled really tight and shiny. Hopefully it will go down enough he won’t notice if he does I am sure I will get a lecture about taking my diuretic every day, however when I am not swollen like the Good Year Blimp it makes me feel dried out. My eyes feel dry, my mouth feels dry, and even my skin feels really dry and that is why I don’t take it everyday. He would tell me I am sure to drink more and use lotion, buuuuut I don’t wanna lol!

Time to get some rest…

God Bless!

Health Insurance Companies are Still Heartless Jerks…

With the pain in my left knee flaring up again it told me and my doctor it was now time for another Synvisc round of injections and I would be good with that for another year. So he put in for the approval and they denied it! How heartless do these people have to be? It is the only thing that has ever worked at reducing my pain to nearly no pain at all and for a full year. It actually made me cry and that may seem silly to some over knee pain, but if it does I promise you have never felt knee pain like I do. It makes me want to cry every time I even think about getting up because I know the process of getting onto my feet is going to hurt so horribly bad.

I pride myself on not taking my pain and frustration out on others and I am certainly no whiner, however this insurance company is pushing me to my limits on nice. When someone that sits in an office all day long and has no medical background whatsoever, and has never met me or seen the amount of pain I deal with daily decides to deny me the very thing that could ease some of my pain a great deal it make me more than a little upset. People with no medical background should never be allowed to make those decisions ever!

There is a very real person behind the name on that paperwork, there is a person that is either very ill or suffering with pain, and no one should make those choices unless they are very clear what their denial is likely to cost this person in quality of life or even life and death. Instead that have pencil pushers flipping coins deciding things they know nothing about or the consequences to the person they just typed denied to on that paperwork! They can do this with a clear conscious because there are no consequences for them allowing people to needlessly suffer. No one should be able to play with anyone’s life like that. The worst part is for myself I don’t even wish for them to suffer the same as me I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

I do wonder though how they would feel every single night going to bed knowing that if God is gracious enough to give them another day that even though you are thankful for that day you know it will be filled with horrible pain. It makes smiling the next day even harder than the last. I made a promise to myself not allow myself to take my pain out on others and I live up to it but they don’t make it easy at all. I have in my life seen people that live with chronic pain turn into mean, demanding, bitter people that no one wants to be around and I don’t blame them for not wanting hear that day in and day out. So please pray God keeps me strong and that my doctor will be able with God’s help to change their minds. I am so desperate for some relief that next week I am going in to get a corticosteroid inject but it will last at the most a month.

Thank you all for reading my rants and praying for me! God Bless each of you!

Insurance Companies are Heartless Jerks…

I get so sick and tired of insurance companies thinking they know what is better for my health than my doctor does. My doctor has tried pretty much everything he could think of to control the pain in my left knee short of knee replacement which is never going to happen. The one thing that does give a great deal of relief for up to a year and sometimes longer and that is Synvisc. Synvisc replaces the much needed lubricating fluid in your knee. It has to be given exactly a week apart for three weeks and this is because it is almost as thick as motor oil.

Now my insurance company is telling me I can no longer have the injections because it has not permanently stopped the pain. They are not designed to permanently stop the pain it is like everything else and that is to take away the pain for awhile and a years worth of pain relief with no limping, or crying at the thought of just grocery shopping is nothing to sneeze at. I need to first get a hold of my doctor and let him know and then call my insurance company and let them know what heartless pieces of crap they are being.

You would think they would realize that the only time he asks for approval for anything for my knee it has been for the Synvisc and each of those times has been a year or more apart. I am sure they are going to suggest corticosteroids and if they do then I will know they don’t even read the notes from my doctor on my progress and what has helped and what hasn’t helped. He tried corticosteroids a couple times before trying the Synvisc the corticosteroids had pretty much no effect on the pain at all.

I will have to update this letter. Pray for me that they see the truth!

I Wonder How it Would Feel if Nothing Hurt…

I would probably think I was dead or someone was playing a huge joke on me. I wonder how it would be to go through my days without worrying about taking my medications on time. How would it be to wake up and be able to get right out of bed? How would be not to stress out over something as simple as standing up and walking. It probably sounds silly that a person could stress out over standing up and walking, however I feel that way right now because the fluid in my left knee is gone again and now it is rubbing bone on bone under my knee cap and feels like someone is shoving a huge pointed blade up under my knee cap. So when I stand up I get this very sharp pain under the inner right side of my knee cap and then with every step I take. I have to live with this until my insurance approves me having the fluid replaced again.

Once they replace the fluid the pain will be much better for about six months to a year. The thing that sucks is getting up at 6AM for three Fridays in a row. In the long run though it is well worth it because it does help with the pain quite a bit. As it stands my knee grinding and bone spurs getting caught on each other is enough to set your teeth on edge. I have had people tell me it cannot be all that bad and another time when I had my thigh and the hollow of my right hip injected a now ex friend actually made fun of me. I was staying with her and I was in a lot of pain and asked her to get something for me so I wouldn’t have to get up. She went and got it then dangled it in front of me saying how bad do you want it, and you must not want it very bad since you won’t get up and get it yourself. With friends like who needs enemies but that is a whole other can of worms.

Hopefully I will not wake up in the middle of him injecting the fluid like I have done before and it hurts so bad it is hard not to move until he is done. He has two anesthesiologists I man and a woman the man isn’t very good at keeping me out or getting my IV in without giving me several bruises in the process, and the lady usually gets in first try. I will however put up with a few minutes of pain for a years worth of nearly pain free walking and standing.

Trigger Point Injections…

When I went to my pain doctor for my regular monthly visit to get my medications for pain. In Texas you have to be under contract with your pain doctor because prescription drug abuse is pretty bad in this state anyway more on that later. While I was there I got some trigger point injections across the small of my back. These muscles on me are in constant spasm even with taking a muscle relaxer. This was on Wednesday and my back is a little sore like it is bruised. Hopefully that will go away in a few days.

I am going to try and sleep in my bed tonight (something I haven’t done in weeks) I have been sleeping on our loveseat because sleeping in my bed would cause me to wake up in severe pain because I was able to move around a lot causing me to sleep in some weird positions causing the spasms to get even worse. I am so hoping this works because my body wants to stretch out when I sleep so bad.

The injections are not so bad at least where I got them and only two actually hurt and that was when he injected near my spine. The rest of them were quick and burned like a quick bee sting that stopped burning in seconds. So if you have a problem with knotted muscles in your back or even other places then you might want to try these injections because a few seconds of pain is worth the possibility of months of relief.

I will now tell you about the contract with a pain specialist here in Texas. When you are referred to a pain specialist and he/she decides they can help you through several methods including medications, injections, and other methods they will then enter into a contract with you. This contract is signed again every year. In this contract your doctor promises to do their best through to use what methods they are trained for to help you to manage your chronic pain. You fill out several papers stating that you will not go to other doctors seeking more narcotic pain medications, that you will work with them to treat you and improve your mobility (basically doing what they tell you instead of sitting on your butt popping pills), you must inform them of any substance abuse in your family and if you have ever had a problem with substance abuse (including alcohol), you must also inform them of any sexual abuse before your teen years, attempted suicides by you or family members, and any mental illness such as ADHD, obsessive compulsive disorder, etc. This allows them to evaluate how likely you are to abuse pain medications. You also sign a form stating that you will submit to random urine tests, blood tests, and being called in on short notice for urine testing. They do this for two reasons one is to make sure you are taking your medication and have sufficient levels the other reason is to make sure you aren’t taking other narcotics not prescribed to you ( they are all different and they will show up differently in your urine or blood.) and for illegal substances such as pot, meth, heroine, etc.

Illegal substances will get your contract ended immediately with possible criminal charges. With taking a narcotic it depends on why such as you might have ran out of your pain medication and had a left over pain medication from say a dental surgery so you take it not realizing it will show up differently than what your doctor prescribed to you. If your doctor believes you he/she the place the lab that does the testing sends a report to the state then your doctor must also submit a report stating if he/she intends to keep you on as a patient and if they do then you have to be on call to come in whenever they call you wanting a urine sample if you miss even one then your contract is terminated and it is unlikely another pain specialist will take you on as a patient.

We have to go through all of this because there are idiots out there who will take anything to get a high.

Is Three Times Really a Charm?

This Friday we will see since I am going in for my third neck injection to try and stop this occipital neuralgia I pray it does because have a headache nearly every single day for the past few months. The doctor tells me if it doesn’t work this time then next time they will cauterize the nerve to kill it then I will feel nothing at all. Now you might think that would be a bad thing and I suppose in some ways it might be but I am thinking no pain is totally worth it.

Just think I could freak people out because I can’t feel anything so they could pinch my face and I would not feel it lol. Might as well find the silver lining and be able to laugh as well if you let things bring you down all the time then your pain actually gets worse and you become bitter, resentful, and angry. When that happens you start taking it out on your family and friends. It will then get to the point where no one will want to help you or even be around you. When you show your appreciation even if what they try to do for you isn’t exactly what you wanted at least they cared enough to try. If your bitterness and anger causes to constantly snap at people treating them like you are the only one that is important just because you are in pain. Cutting people down and saying things like “you’re stupid”, “you can’t do anything right”, or ” a two year old could do that better than you could”. Honestly how would like to be around someone like that? I am certain you wouldn’t want to be at all and would be highly insulted if they said those things to you. Just because you are in pain it does not give you license to be rude, hateful, verbally abusive, and just plain mean to others.

I have had people tell me that it is hard to tell that I am in pain most of the time. The reason is I don’t dwell on my pain, my pain doesn’t define who I am, it also does not dictate how I treat people around me. It is simple your pain does not make you a mean, bitter, hateful, and abusive person you choose to become like that. I you remain like that do not be surprised when you one day find yourself all alone.

Injections for Occipital Neuralgia…

I had such hopes that these injections would work but they are an utter failure. I have had neck and head pain for two days now. Occipital Neuralgia is caused by the occipital nerve being damaged or pinched due to arthritis the pain is very much like that of a migraine the biggest difference is that migraine medication has no effect on the pain. I have the pain on the right side of my face it is at first a burning pain that starts at the back of my head and neck it travels up behind my ear then travels across my temple and then travels inward to the back of my right eye. To make matters worse there are also random sharp shooting pains along the same path. I have light sensitivity, sound sensitivity, and nausea.

I don’t know what my pain management doctor will do since the injections failed but I know he needs to do something to stop this pain. It is so hard to function when your head constantly hurts. All you can think about is this pain and it makes you forgetful, it makes you snap at people, it makes enjoying anything nearly impossible, and makes you just want to sleep because that is the only time you get relief.

I will write more after I see my doctor on Wednesday so that I can update and let you all know what he has decided to try. God Bless you all!